This is a multiple choice exam that has only 4 choices for most questions. This is the first test of your intelligence. If you can't figure out to choose only one of the 4, then you have failed not only this exam, you have failed life and need to eat more donuts at once. The few true or false questions only have TWO possible responses, true, or false. n/a is NOT an answer, and you will be thwapped by Eris if you choose n/a. Now, what you should do is send an email to the appropriate Yahoo Group with numbers 1 through 25 with your one letter response next to the corresponding question number. If you don't know the appropriate Yahoo Group, this is because you have not yet joined the shrine you must do so too find out the identity of the holy Yahoo Group so that you can send it email. If you can't figure out how to click the link in the text, click the "First Circle" link above. Ok? Not too tough. If you can't figure this out, you should apply to be the next Secretary of Homeland Security. Ok, here's the test. Hail Eris.

1. What type of fruit did Eris roll into the marriage banquet hall?

a. Banana
b. Watermelon
c. Wankel Rotary Engine
d. Apple

2. Who was the most beautiful woman in the world at the time of the wedding of Thetis?

a. Don Lewis
b. Janet Jackson
c. Janet Reno
d. Helen of Troy

3. Who did Thetis Marry?

a. Paris
b. Eris
c. Peleus
d. Achilles

4. Who had tried to seduce Thetis before she got married?

a. The Green Bay Packers
b. Zeus
c. The Bay City Rollers
d. Hera

5. What was the "Holy Snub?"

a. Hera told Eris that her shoes did not match her dress
b. Zeus told Eris that the Goodyear Blimp was overhead, and laughed when she looked up
c. Eris was not invited to the wedding of Thetis
d. The wedding food consisted solely of apples, and Eris was allergic to apples.

6. ___________ and __________, as a personified natural force, are the basis of the Discordian religion

a. Chaos and discord
b. Apples and oranges
c. Chakras and energies
d. Hot dogs and Beer

7. Since the universe is so messed up, it must be run by ______________.

a. the republican party
b. The democratic party
c. the chief financial officer of Enron
d. committee

8. Eris is the Greek Goddess of _________________

a. Discord
b. Toenails
c. Love
d. Harmony

9. What did Eris write on the object she rolled into the wedding banquet?

a. Biohazard
b. Kallisti
c. Canibal
d. Do Not Open Til Christmas

10. Who got the job of choosing the prettiest God or Goddess?

a. The Wizard Tim
b. Ed the Pagan
c. Paris the Shepherd
d. Bubba the Village Idiot

11. What war began as the result of the kidnapping of the most beautiful woman in the world?

a. The French and Indian War
b. The Greek War
c. Operation Desert Storm
d. The Trojan War

12. What child was born through the marriage mentioned in the beginning of this lesson?

a. Achilles
b. Paris
c. Helen
d. Buckwheat

13. Wiccans cannot become Discordians

a. True
b. False
c. n/a
d. n/a

14. Which is a Holy Book of the Discordian Faith, mentioned in the lesson?

a. The Tao of Pooh
b. The Art of War
c. Principia Discordia
d. My Life as an FDA Test Bunny

15. What "mislabel" is often associated with Discordianism (as mentioned in the lesson?)

a. It's a parody religion
b. It's filled with whipped cream without enough sugar
c. It is a sect of Christianity
d. It was created by Trekkies who watched too much Star Trek

16. Who was the Centaur who assisted in the rape of Thetis?

a. Zeus
b. Athena
c. Cheiron
d. Peleus

17. According to Discordians, the Gods also fought for the Golden Apple

a. True
b. False
c. n/a
d. n/a

18. Who tried to cheat in the contest to choose the prettiest one, by attempting to bribe the judge?

a. Hera
b. Aphrodite
c. Athena
d. All of the above

19. Who finally won the contest as the prettiest one?

a. Aphrodite
b. Mercury
c. Apollo
d. Hera

20. Just about any ritual can be turned to a Discordian bent

a. True
b. False
c. n/a
d. n/a

21. In the Discordian ritual for Lammas, what do you thank the God and Goddess for?

a. An IQ higher than 80
b. Your can of cheezy spoo
c. Gilligan's Island Reruns
d. The Internal Revenue Service

22. The second Discordian ritual listed is the ritual for

a. Difficulty with your adult diapers
b. Difficulty with a new hearing aid
c. Difficulty with a new puppy
d. Difficulty with a viagra overdose

23. What did the Gods and Goddesses do with their political hot potato?

a. They threw it off Mount Olympus
b. They had it for dinner
c. They blew it up with a thunderbolt
d. They passed the buck

24. Why did Zeus decide to dump Thetis?

a. Her son would become greater than his father
b. She got a huge wart on her nose
c. His wife got angry and threatened to leave him
d. Thetis' father wouldn't let her speak to Zeus anymore

25. What was the original state of the universe?

a. Confusion
b. Chaos
c. Darkness
d. New Jersey

Hail Eris! All Hail Discordia!
Pope Princess Bedwetter Fluffernutter