Welcome To the Order of Chaos!
Hail Eris! Welcome to the Order of Chaos, formerly the Shrine of the Sacred Chao (pronounced COW) where we worship the Chaos inherrent in the system. This is a real live approved Order in the Correllian Nativist Church, so watch your step. Note: this is NOT to say that those who are members of this Holy Order must be Correllian. In fact, many who watch too much Star Wars might be frightened by becoming Correllian and flying their third rate freighters. No, verily, the Order of Chaos transcends mere lines of deliniation. Lo, there is so much Chaos currently revolving around our existence, and so many things are so perfectly sowing the seeds of our Lady's Chaos, that it descends ALL known religions, and we MUST all take notice, and salute with the traditional PFFFFFFFT
Does anyone get the humor in having an ORDER of CHAOS? bwaa ha ha haaaaaaa!
If you would like to complain about this being a "hate site," please click here.
And YOU, yes YOU, can join the Order and become a Discordian if we like you enough. Click on our First Circle link.
I am Pope Princess Bedwetter Fluffernutter, Mistress of the Garden Gnomes of Festering Goo,and I welcome you to our site. Make sure you check out the What's New link above. There's always something cool going on.
The Sacred Litany
Priest: Knock Knock
Priestess: Who's There
Priest: Orange
Priestess: Orange Who?
Priest: Orange you glad I didn't say 'homeland security?'"
Congregation: And That's The Fact, Jack!
The Sacrament
And Goddess spake:
My children, whenever two or more of you are gathered in my name, there is chaos and discord. And it is good. Whenever ten or more of you gather to seek my glory, there is a party. And it is better.
Awaken, mine closed minded nincompoops, such that you may see my glory, and revel in it. For mine is the state of insanity, the state between the lines, and under the sofa cushions with the loose change. The place where you dwell though you don't wish to admit it, else you may lose your custody rights.
Sacred Supplication
Hail Eris, Full of Grace
Goddess Who Gets In Your Face
Holy Queen of Outer Space
Hail Eris, Full of Grace
.
The Spewing of the Holy Security Laws
Priest: Thou must always carry upon thy person, the holy papers of identification and nationality, even when flying domestically.
Priestess: But Why?
Priest: Thou must never ask these questions else you shall be labelled as unpatriotic or an enemy combattant.
Priestess: But what does that mean?
Priest: Thou'st is treading on dangerous ground! I am golf pals with Justice Scalia!
Priestess: What about the Constitution?!?
Priest: Thou doesn't understand! The Constitution of which you speak was flawed and internally inconsistant. We have sanitized it for your safety and security.
Priestess: Well, in THAT case, thank you! We shall be silent and compliant.
Priest: Make it So!
Priestess must then give Priest an amazingly huge wedgie .
The Original Snub
THE MYTH OF THE APPLE OF DISCORD - From Principia Discordia
It seems that Zeus was preparing a wedding banquet for Peleus and Thetis and did not want to invite Eris because of Her reputation as a trouble maker.
This made Eris angry, and so She fashioned an apple of pure gold and inscribed upon it KALLISTI ("To The Prettiest One") and on the day of the fete She rolled it into the banquet hall and then left to be alone and joyously partake of a hot dog.
Now, three of the invited goddesses, Athena, Hera, and Aphrodite, each immediately claimed it to belong to herself because of the inscription. And they started fighting, and they started throwing punch all over the place and everything.
Finally Zeus calmed things down and declared that an arbitrator must be selected, which was a reasonable suggestion, and all agreed. He sent them to a shepherd of Troy, whose name was Paris because his mother had had a lot of gaul and had married a Frenchman; but each of the sneaky goddesses tried to outwit the others by going early and offering a bribe to Paris.
Athena offered him Heroic War Victories, Hera offered him Great Wealth, and Aphrodite offered him the Most Beautiful Woman on Earth. Being a healthy young Trojan lad, Paris promptly accepted Aphrodite's bribe and she got the apple and he got screwed.
As she had promised, she maneuvered earthly happenings so that Paris could have Helen (the Helen) then living with her husband Menelaus, King of Sparta. Anyway, everyone knows that the Trojan War followed when Sparta demanded their Queen back and that the Trojan War is said to be The First War among men.
And so we suffer because of the Original Snub. And so a Discordian is to partake of No Hot Dog Buns.
Do you believe that?
Enemies of Our Lady Eris
By far, the most dreaded enemy of Our Lady Eris is known as Marie DeBain, or Bathtub Mary, that hideous wannabe goddess whose statue adorns many gardens, especially in the NorthEast. The Mary statue is placed in a bathtub sunken vertically into the ground, making a macabre housing for said evil statue. The bathtubs are often painted or otherwise decorated in ugly colors, or with xmas lights or some such horror.
We must NOT allow our friends to erect Marie Des Bain. Our Lady does not like them and has deemed them naughty in her sight.
